Time For Me To Move

And this is where I moved. <NOTE: until the link is not yet available, it means that I am still working on it. I’d appreciate it if you’d read my last message>

College life has begun. And with that, I’d like to close this down and build a new home. I am also closing my other blog, the baby sister of this one.

I have promised myself to start college with a clean plate.

I was on my way to it… until…

Oh well.

It is time for me to grow up. Recently, I have learned to eat ALONE. It was new to me but I am coping up.

I know there are lots of NEW things the University of the Philippines will dawn upon me. I am excited- yes. With that excitement comes the need to make room for the new. I was rereading my previous posts a while ago and I realized it screams “high school girl.” Now I suppose I have to have my stand on certain issues, to fight for what I think is right, to think like a true Christian, to talk straightly and avoid the usage of “like”, “err”, and “umm…” as much as possible, to see life and living life beyond young love and little insecurities, and more importantly, to be more MATURE and OPEN to the realities of this world, not just my own “rhealethies.” I am not the world and the world is not I. 

This is not a farewell note since I am not saying goodbye to myself nor am I bidding adios to the child in me. I would like to refer to this as a notice to the people who (often) visit this site that I am saying hello to college life and to the collegian Rhea. I also want to take this opportunity to express my gratitude to the people who tagged, made some comments, gave me some hugs through the hug counter, and especially to those who took time to actually read my entries.

Great. I am a Psychology student, classes haven’t even started, and I’m already turning crazy. Just great.

“How are you doing? It’s been a while.”

“Yeah.”

“How’s your last basketball game? Heard you got hurt.”

“Yeah.”

This is so much more than she can take, but she just let it slide. Her friend’s already giving her dagger looks, but the hell she cares. She’s going to get things straight, whatever it might take her.

“Where the hell is my friend?”

Her voice cracks. She’s on the verge of crying, but she can’t let any drop fall.

“Let me tell you one last thing-”

Now he paused. Where the heck did he learn to put so much drama in his actions?

“The <name sealed> you knew is just a part of your illusion.”

It was one of the most painful things. I’m never going to go through it again. EVER.

This blog now has a younger sister. Check out my new home by clicking this

But!!!!!!!!!!

I am not closing this one down, okay? This blog, as it’s URL implies, is for my “rhealizations.” Updates on my life will go to the other. Get the difference?

Basically, if you just want to check on ME, visit the other blog. If you want to know if I’m still SANE or HOW I FEEL, check this account. Better yet, check both. Love mo naman kao, diba? Hehehe.

It’s a Friday morning and I am up this early.

Don’t ask me why. I don’t know either. But I think I’d like to share how beautiful God made this morning.

Birds are chirping right at this moment. It’s like they’re talking to each other. It’s actually somehow hypnotizing. Surprisingly, when I looked at the mirror a while ago, I didn’t see my usual ugly morning-self. Haha. Sure, my hair’s a little messed up and I still have my eye bags, which, I think, decided to remain under my eyes for as long as I live. However, I must say that I look extra nice this morning. You see, when I look in my full-length mirror after getting out of bed, I just feel like I look my ugliest. But not today. That alone is reason enough for me to say that this day extra beautiful. Hahaha. Now what else? The sky is a good mix of peach, light blue, and white. There’s even a hint of purple in the sky. I can also feel the gentle touch of the morning breeze even if I’m inside our house.

I missed myself.

Don’t mistake me for being narcissistic.

I just missed the Rhea I know I am.

Anyway, enough of that stuff. I have decided to get back to my happy life.

I will focus on nurturing myself and on doing something good; I will stop thinking about him or any other person with the Y chromosome.

I will not dream about my dreams; I will try to make my everyday life worthy of being dreamed.

I will not chase my life; I will be living it.

(please read everything. don’t get me wrong.)

8 in the morning, we entered the Economics Hall of UP Diliman for our orientation. It was loads of fun. They taught us some basic cheers and moves, and made us laugh 85% of the time. (I even introduced Chesca to Samantha and Jo Ann. By the way Samantha, Chesca, and I are blockmates!)

However, I shall be forever proud of being a product of Manila Science High School. You cannot blame me if I have great respect and pride for my alma mater. She earned it through her decades of existence for she has lovingly cultured young minds into something worthy. She’s the first of her kind in the Philippines. That is to say, MaSci is the country’s first ever science high school.

On a sad note, no one can deny the fact that our once undisputed alma mater is now struggling to continue living the legacy she has rightfully built in the first place. It is slap-in-the-face for our school that more PhiScians passed the UPCAT. I share this fact blatantly.

Until one of my batch mates shared the real reason why we are still under DepEd and not under DOST, I thought that it was because DepEd Manila refused to let go of us. Mrs. Daisy Banta (former school principal) earned more of my respect when I learned that she was the one who refused to surrender MaSci to DOST. Sure… if we were NCR’s representative science high school, we’d be getting allowance, free books, and better facilities. But we own something more precious than that- our pride. If Mrs. Banta accepted DOST’s offer, then we would be under Philippine Science High School because they are the national science high school.

We came to MaSci year 2001 and were awed by her glory. Almost every single day, one of the department heads would go to the stage to congratulate champions of this and that competition. There were also lots of white hairs in the campus- a sign that the teachers practically grew in their profession and have perfected their lesson by heart.

I thought, “Welcome to Nerds Ville.”

Little did I know that I myself have a little nerd in myself. Very few are the teens who enjoy naming atomic structures, see the fun in trying to solve problems in Physics (even if we often get it wrong), thinks that memorizing Postulates and Theorems is exciting, and love the feeling after reading a long novel for English Class.

My Alma mater made me realize that there are Cool Nerds. Methinks that MaScians are one of the coolest nerds in town (of course, the ones in UP are the best! Hahaha. The orientation a while ago proved that!).

It is true that I consider myself an unworthy graduate of the school. I have not even mastered naming constellations nor am I erudite enough to be able to carry on a conversation about Homer’s Iliad and Odyssey.

I hope that years from now Manila Science is still living her vision (or was it her mission? See? I am a bad graduate) of culturing future leaders in different fields.

There are so many things I have yet to know, hundreds of mistakes I have yet to make, and buckets of tears I have yet to cry. When the time comes that I have reached the peak of my mountain, I shall remember that for four years there was a small but mighty institution who nurtured me as one of her own and gave me the CONFIDENCE to survive my college journey. Batis ng Diwa will remain as the oasis of my academic desert.

I am badly in need of another talk from our YFC meetings. It’s a good thing the 15^th (the date of our Kasangga for this month) is near.

I just feel down. I don’t know why but I feel like I’m going down the drain. My now-short hair isn’t helping either. Maybe my insecurity’s one of the reasons why I love reading my (currently) 107 testimonials in Friendster. They are constant reminders that I mean something.

Life was pretty good to me before. Well, it still is. At least I live in a good house (wherein I don’t feel the heat at noontime), I get to eat more than three times a day (without getting fat!), my closet contains a nice collection of clothes, my friends are still around, and most importantly, our family is a complete and happy family.

So what the heck is the problem with me?

When I think about it, I have NO RIGHT to complain at all.

But when insecurity strikes, it tends to kill you. It takes away your once-genuine joy and replaces it with reasons why others are better than you and why you should feel bad about the way you look and stuff like that.

There’s no sense in it… none at all.  Each of us are born with a unique kind of beauty we can truly call ours.

If I want to, I can list many reasons why I should feel good- no, make that proud- of myself. Key word? If I want to.

But I guess no matter how long (not that I can make a really long one) the list is, I can’t change the fact that I feel so down. Have you read my “A Figment of Rhealethy Does Hurt” entry? In there, I stated that feelings are feelings. We cannot tell them what to do. And right now, I feel so un-pretty, so plain, and so sad…

You know what? I would really appreciate it if you can post any thing that you think would make me smile in the comments section below this entry. I need all the cheering I can get right now.

I miss NBA! I have failed to watch any full game for this year’s playoffs.

I miss my Lakers. I miss my Timberwolves. I don’t like the fact that Shaq is already in Miami Heat. I am starting to like the Pacers, if only they could defeat Detroit (I doubt).

I MISS MY NBA!!!